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Bring the world into your humble abode and your humble abode into the world with hints of the sometimes great outdoors. Whiffs of musky motor exhaust layered with a coating of cozy coal mines, this byproduct of the industrial revolution will have chimney sweepers and housekeepers begging to work that extra shift. (Not recommended on garbage day)

Cling to your past like Thanksgiving leftovers deep in December with a hint of perfumy polyethylene. This fragrance only spoils after three months in the fridge and frequent trips to the electric microwave. (To preserve scent, wrap in Saran wrap)

A multifaceted and layered fragrance that will bring you to your knees with every sneeze. The spice that once ruled the world is now subject to your kitchen counter. Tangy notes of the Dutch East Indie trading company that sits on dense tones of a black hole.

Envelope your home with the euphoric emptiness of room temperature, like floating through space in the comfort of 68 degrees fahrenheit. Tones of poignant air pressure meet notes of nothingness to fill your living space with the void.

Art Director: Anna Lysenko

If you're jokes don't land become a pilot.

You have a soulmate. I have a sole roommate. We are not the same.

You think your foot falling asleep is bad? My whole body falls asleep every night.

 Superman Man of Steal: The world's strongest kleptomaniac

You suffer from night terrors. I suffer from night terrorists we are not the same.

A former CIA agent turned former FedEx CEO- An Ex-Fed Ex-FedEx Ex-Exec

What ward are you in? Psychiatric

You have a high jean problem I have a hygiene problem we are not the same

Yeah my rents only $200 but I live in an escape room

We could play slap jack but he’s got a weak chin.

I was arrested in a Sting operation by the Police today, all because I told someone, “Don't stand so close to me.” Sting told me he’s been watching me for months, down to “Every breath you take.” as he said.  I asked him “You’ve got me wrapped around your finger don’t you?” He said “I do do do, de da da da.”

I went on the pirate ship ride at the carnival, by the end of it there was a mutiny and everyone had scurvy.

Mail order bride vs Male order bride

"It’s not Digiorno. It’s delivery."      -UPS

Murder mystery night, but guy actually thinks someone was murdered

Where do hipsters shop in the Middle east? Turban outfitters

Nudist colony's go on strike by wearing clothes

The chiropractor was found to be a fraud: Turns out he had a bad back story

Friend: “I’m allergic to Great Danes.” Me: "Yeah, you’d hate Denmark”

What do you call a fortune teller who perfectly predicts the past? A historian

Blind men playing slap jack with braille cards. Think about it.

-"What do you do for work?"
-"I'm a mailman."
-"First of all, don't call me man. Second of all I didn't ask your pronouns I asked your job."

I went on the pirate ship ride at the carnival, by the end of it there was a mutiny and everyone had scurvy.

I hate when people tailgate just feet behind me. I especially hate it on Saturdays in the parking lot.

I own a food rental company but I'm not seeing a lot of return.




I've constantly got my nose in the notebook that no one knows I'm always noting in. I have multiple notebooks completely filled so when I was gifted a free one this year, it was a really big deal. 

I take notes for every idea that comes to mind. Every word, concept, thought, and ryhme deserves its own line and its own time. Some may be good but most are bad, these are some of the most random ones I've had.  

I’d be perfectly fine never paying for a movie ticket again. I frequently unwind by laying in bed listening to music and playing back memories of my childhood in my head. I love remembering certain feelings, experiences, and moments that only music can evoke. A defining point in my life was the 12 hour drive from Tucson to Salt Lake where each family member would take turns driving and playing their music in the car. These are my memories of those childhood trips.

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